Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
There is deep truth here that I find myself overlooking rather than embracing. Why does forgiveness of sin feel so common and boring?
The stories Jesus tells make it seem amazing. If we imagine the servant he talks about who owes his master a debt that could never be paid back, more money than he could earn in a hundred lifetimes.
What does it feel like to have a debt like that cancelled? It must be amazing. I think in the moment of understanding that it has happened, you would at same moment be in shock at your good fortune, and perhaps questioning whether you were dreaming.
What does it feel like to go from hopelessness to joy in such a short amount of time? To see a hated burden that you had nevertheless come to accept as unchangeable be lifted away?
What does a heart that has been anxious for so many things every day do when it no longer has anything to be anxious about? Some vacuum in the soul must be created.
Why do we not feel this way about our sins? Our sins were an unpayable debt and were forgiven in a single free and beautiful act. Is it because we don't believe that our sins were a debt?
Or perhaps we acknowledge that they were a debt, but we imagine them to be a manageable debt, one that we could pay off with time and dedication. What do we need to acknowledge the truth about the depth of our sin? Humility? Wisdom?
Or is it because we don't believe that they were covered over. We think that they were partially forgiven, or we can't bring ourselves to believe that they were even forgiven at all. What do we need to accept the truth that our sins are completely forgiven in Christ? Faith.
Here's a relevant verse:
Her sins, which are many, are forgiven––for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.