Reflections on Psalm 38:9

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord. My sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 38:9

This verse speaks of intimacy. It is a reminder to the heart that is seeking God that God is aware of that seeking. He knows about it. He knows about the longings to be close to him. He knows about the longings to obey him. He knows about the failures to obey. He knows about how we rise up in our spirit with hope, and fall back down in grief.

He knows too of the dark desires that lead us away. He knows the full story and extent of our sin. He knows the times we didn't even want to seek him. He knows the deep springs of our heart that drive us. 

I didn't think much of the darker desires at first, but later I did. Perhaps that was because I don't want God to know about the dark parts of me. For him to know the depth and extent of my longing for Him is an intimacy I welcome, but for him to know the depth of my depravity feels like an intrusion. More than that, it feels like despair. 

The profundity of this thought has grown the more I think about it. All my longings lie open before God. It makes me tremble with delight and fear.